Ten Lessons Learned from a Decade of Being ‘Out’
As time has truly flew by during one of the most splendid years of my life, I’ve done some reflecting on what I’ve learned since coming out a decade ago. Here are ten (of many) of the lessons I’ve so gratefully been taught by life, men and myself:
One: You are so incredibly lucky to have a family that loves you, accepts you and embraces you. Although they may not understand all of the nuances of queerness, be patient with them as they learn.
Two: There’s no ‘right way’ to express being gay. You must find the ways that feel authentic and in alignment with who you are. Don’t be discouraged if you feel you don’t fit in. You belong. With that, don’t pass judgement onto the person whose queerness looks different than yours. Hone in on your exquisite and deeply personal differences, and let your queerness be your guiding, comforting similarity.
Three: Your story is yours to tell, honor, and live out. Not anyone else’s.
Four: The best people will love you and your queerness, fight for your rights, and empower you to be your greatest self. Honor them, never let them go, and do the same for them. We move forward when we protect one another and build each other up.
Five: Standards of beauty and success can feel amplified and are oftentimes toxic in this community. Don’t strive for “perfect” - it’s unattainable and honestly, lackluster. Together, your body and mind are your forever home. Recognize and nurture your loveliness, and focus on bettering yourself each day for YOU. Stay diligent in your pursuits and remember the seat you’ve earned at this table. Set an example by being who you needed when you were younger. You never know who’s watching or listening to you live out your story.
Six: The world can be utterly evil, but please, never lose your indisputable softness. This type of compassion is one that can only be built upon being misunderstood and put down. Softness is optimism. Softness is a deep understanding. Softness is love. Those who have felt your softness will never forget it.
Seven: You must be your biggest advocate in this life. Loving yourself, giving yourself that same softness, and pushing yourself further are gifts. You’ve been so harsh and anxious to your body, thoughts, and actions throughout your years, that it’s hindered you from exploring your full potential. You’re a beautiful person that has so much greatness and talent to contribute to the world. Be unafraid to create. Be unafraid to be who you are.
Eight: There are judgements, teachings and protective mechanisms that you must unlearn through time. Be patient, but remain disciplined to do the work.
Nine: Not all men are worthy or willing to receive the love you give, and that’s okay. Actually, it’s a wonderful thing - to acknowledge your worth and refuse to give what cannot be reciprocated. Yes, there are moments to be leaned on, but there are moments to lean on someone as well. It’s a comfort to know that you’ll meet someone that will covet the love you give, and generously give theirs in the same capacity. Be the romantic you always have been, for it’s the truest representation of your heart.
Ten: Queer love is like no other. My god, is it beautiful. Take in every ounce and cherish it. It’s YOURS!
