Thank You for Being a Friend
An Ode to the Women in My Life
A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and I found our newest “comfort” show: The Golden Girls. Although it’s dated at times, we’ve come to really appreciate the laughs, the catchy theme song of course, and above all, the undeniably wholesome friendship among this group of women. Since we’ve started watching, I’ve reflected on the many women in my life and how I absolutely wouldn’t be who I am without them.
Since I can remember, the strongest, most loving figures in my life have been women. They each hold a certain warmth and compassionate understanding that I’ve always been enthralled with - the lights in darkness, the flowers grown out of concrete. This began with my mother. My first best friend.
To know my mom is to know kindness and grace in their purest forms. She has made a career out of caregiving and although many of us take off our “customer service face” at home, she is that very same person, no matter the situation or place. Care is in her genetic makeup. She holds an unwavering dedication to see the best in people. Whenever I’d share that I wasn’t getting along with a friend or pass judgment to a stranger, she’d kindly listen and encourage me to envision myself in their shoes.
“How would that make you feel?” she’d ask. “Remember, you have no idea what someone else is going through.”
Although that used to irritate me, I now know what she was doing. She was showing me that empathy, kindness and grace could impact a person forever, and even increase their lifespan. She was showing me the magic that is love.
Whenever I need these reminders, or tough love in the sweetest way possible, I look to her. It’s an honor that now, I can console her when she needs it, too. I’ve learned from the best.
Throughout the years, I’ve always had many more girlfriends (not romantic, obviously, lol) than male friends, and still do now. There are many reasons as to why, some of which I can’t explain, but I think a lot of it has to do with safety, acceptance, and outright humanity. As a gay man and queer person, I believe the experiences shared are often relatable.
Collectively, we are put into boxes, have our rights revised and waved in our faces like a sick joke, face various forms of oppression, held to absurd standards, and aren’t taken seriously. We’re resilient when we shouldn’t have to be. We rise above.
One of the most significant attributes of female friendships, and one of the greatest lessons the women in my life have ever taught me, is the art of listening. In an interview, Jane Fonda discusses the importance of female friendships and shares how they’re essential for good health.
“Men sit side by side, looking outward at cars, at women, sports. Women look into each other’s eyes, and they ask for help. They show their vulnerability.”
This holds true to my experience in friendships with women and warms my heart at the thought. It wasn’t a guy friend that consoled me during a nasty heartbreak, grieved with me the loss of a loved one while I couldn’t stop shedding tears, or pepped me up before an important work presentation, reminding me that I’ve got this and relieving my crippling self-doubt. It was women. It was always women.
I’m endlessly inspired by women and their talent. Artists, writers, chefs, designers, photographers, musicians, medical professionals, scientists, teachers, lawyers, humanitarians. They have a keen eye, a certain touch, an irreplicable something that is so unique and special to them. Again, I am grateful to learn from the world’s most excellent. I’m even more grateful to know so many of them personally. You know who you are.
To the women in my life, I am indebted to your unconditional love, your kindness, your wisdom, your care, your grace, your strength, your light, and what words don’t do justice. You’ve changed my life and the way I live it.
In short, thank you for being a friend.
Jacob
